It is what it is. Im frustrated bc my live in bf doesnt understand the stress I feel already trying to raise 2 kids (Im a divorced mom, plus trying to keep the finances together. Im truly sorry youre going through this. It was great for the driest year, but in the second year he decided to go to school. There are so many of us out there crying for help and relief. Yes, you spent 9 months on this guy. He hates the majority of my coworkers/friends and talks harshly about them. Since we have been together he has had 4 jobs, he just quit his 4th job without a back up. My husband has been out of work for almost 5 years. Posted by BlaqueDaliah. Some of the best . ex-manager should not work as a MacDonald staff. I thought wed hit the jackpot! Everytime I try to talk to him about it he says Im b***hing and not being a supportive gf, like dude Ive been supportive for 9 months. Now if the man of your dreams invites you to move into his home and says you can redecorate, the you might have something. I think he just wants to live on my unemployment which is not enough for rent, bills and food. I go to work as much as i can but i have a medical issue that arrises once a yearvso my hours while this happens isnt full time. But of course no luck and I guess he got very discouraged. 1. That's because spoiling your children doesn't teach them how the world works. But here I am and it isnt my fault! After 9 months of his employment we could not afford our mortgage so we sold our house in city and moved to a regional suburb . However, the chances are that another activity will result in the long run if you both stay engaged and conscious in your journey. Somehow I feel like I have disappeared in his issues and that I could fall flat on my face on his watch without notice. Im 24 and Im the baby of my family so Im used to being taken care of but now Im having to take care of a 27 year old and I feel in over my head. He actually left end of June and I was shocked that he actually left. The man claims he doesn't need to do any housework . He feels a minimum wage job is below him and spends his entire day online, doing what I dont know. You certainly find out who your phony friends are when youre out of work. One important step in that process is to get a clear picture of what Lively calls your chore portfolio: basically just a list of all the stuff that keeps your lives running (dishes, dog walking, paying the water bill, etc.). But when my bf got out of jail he was homeless I wouldnt let him come stay with us. A lot of times someone will get an interview and then get cut off at the knees where theyll need to cancel or reschedule and end up missing out on the job. We have 1 child together which deeply complicates things. In trying to figure out how to let go of the bitterness, I stumbled upon this site. In recent years, the pinnacle of motorsports has gained an unlikely audience of new enthusiasts. Constantly reassuring him. How long do we sacrifice ourselves? Understandably, he hasnt been feeling his best, but I dont think he is depressed. And YOUR life is very precious!!!! Reminds me of my ex who I just broke up with. None of us can know what it is like to be the person in that situation, because each person and each situation is unique. This is how it was in his family. Have You Tried Eating an Orange in the Shower? He does clean and cook, but thats not enough. Add a full time job on top of that, and you WILL become overwhelmed and your marriage is doomed to fail due to resentment. But now, without the little extra help, I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I cant kick him out because he has no place to go but live in his van. Stays up late at night. Avoid criticisms and judgments such as, "You never do any housework! Well I see a bunch of women complaining that theyre the sole Breadwinner well yall wanted equal rights .and up until the 60s thats how it was was the man worked and one paycheck took care of the family while the woman stayed home and now yall have that and youre complaining well Im a man and Im the sole Breadwinner and things are difficult which could be easier if there were two paychecks but I dont complain about it because thats my role in life yall wanted equal rights well you got them are you having fun yet? im seeing a disturbing pattern here. I want to be living and supportive but I canT help but feel resentful having to get up early, work a 40hr week and then hand it all over for bills knowing our debt is mounting because I cant cover all the rent while hes doing God knows what all day. See if you can get out of it and find a more affordable living situation without being stuck supporting a bum who is unfaithful to you. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, but only married for 2, and I feel at the end of my rope again. My situation was similar. I feel like i am drowning. I suspect that even if you had, you might still have found yourself in the same place. So yesturday he left but he left all his belongings behind. If that happens I will lose the job that I have that supports two people. Honestly what kills me the most about all this, is that my husband used to be a leader; responsible, dominant, confident, thought of the little things and took care of things instantly, etc, and now his depression and guilt has turned him into someone who cant even remember to do simple yet important tasks like make a phone call or feven if I write them down for him. So it probably isnt a case of people not trying hard enough or not seriously looking for work. In many cases, there simply isnt work to be found unless you have some kind of specialty like a degree in the medical field or something. Ive never been in a situation to be a bread winner although I work 2 jobs (in the arts)and have never misrepresented myself in this regard. But women still do a lot more than that. Private chat services are also available at thehotline.org. You do yours free of carpools, homework, housekeeping. In the mean time i feel in love with a girl and we were in relationship the girl dont have any hearing problem or something. Its incredibly concerning that when you express your needs, he goes right to your mental illnessas though him not contributing is your deficit. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Our biggest asset in life is our time. This leads one to believe that my position is steady. I wont repeat all the things others have said but I definitely and specifically related to the half-cocked job searches, being unemployed myself due to layoff and proving to him how and that its possible to work your ass off, rely on faith AND works and get a new career. Every time I tell him I need help he blames my mental illness and tried to get me to see my doctor but the thing is Im fine! I dont want to be married and have a family wit this kind of person :( but I still love himcan somebody tell me what to do ? Have confidence.". My sister went back to work about 6 years into the marriage. Even if we love someone we have to love ourselves and do what is best for the family as a whole not just one individual. I could have become an auxiliary nurse or carer but I couldnt cope with human poo although I was a compassionate person. I work 6 days a week only making $10 an hour. 2. I write music, I paint, i excersize, I volunteer my extra time, I pay for most datesso one day she says I think we need to talk about you not having a jobits unattractive and I dont know if I can go ondespite the fact that I cant get a proper job because we live and are stuck in south LA, because she doesnt want to leave and be away from her parents! Do yourself a favor. We have a small child (5m) and I care for him (we're both home due to COVID and work schedules). The woman had a stillbirth in 2021 in South Carolina, which explicitly criminalizes self-managed abortion. The first instinct is to be constantly patient and supportive, because you love them, but there are points when I start to question my own life and where its going. He has money for another 2 mortgage payments and I have saved up for about 1 mortgage. To start with I have never really seen him work hard before but hes had reasons. Its depressing but Im glad to know Im not alone. Put his pride aside and make minimum wage if he has to for a while, but for Gods sake.do something! Immensely fed up at the moment It is New Years Eve and after a thoroughly awful Christmas, I think it is time to call it a day with my unemployed (for 4 years) partner. He will not clean. He keeps saying hes looking for jobs but we share an email account and there is no email trail and every time he goes on an interview (I get a call from my contacts saying he blew it). Being in this relationship is exhausting. I can barely read these posts without tears. Instead, I stuff my pride, and in my most polite tone, I tell the preacher-man to stick it. He wont even sign on and back the taxes that I pay for! Someone help me. If youre here, then youre looking for help and answers, but unlike a lot of us, youre not stuck. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. 1. I dont know what to do, but I do know that I dont have feelings for him anymore. I work 60 hours a week, still do the washing, the washing up and the housecleaning as he refuses to and keep the wolves from the door barely by juggling, dont holiday and really am a complete and utter idiot . Praying were not all just casualties of the recession forever. I know its harder than it sounds but you CAN do it. I had a melt down last week, and called in sick. Seek marriage counseling if you are struggling with sharing household responsibilities. He traveled for year doing consulting work for 1 client. To all who have wrote or read. To me, its almost like a math problem: I am now responsible for 100 percent of household payments, and still do about 60 percent of household labor. He gets great jobs but than quite them due to something he dont like about the job, or a person he dont like at a job. Case is with insurance adjudication since 2011. The reality is that you may have to switch gears and try something new. However, it can be quite the opposite as far as getting to interviews is concerned. Were working to restore it. You deserve it. When do I get to live MY life? I love her so much and want to keep supportign her emotionally, but after 6 years of supporting her and now supporting a family by myself, Im running on empty. Hang in there. If a woman decide to have baby, useful she will be have a lot of consideration to her baby before doing anything. How to cope with an unemployed husband? Is he a good man or a lazy shit who pretends hes a good man just so you leave him alone, thats called playing you. He is a handyman and I do thankhim for that but financial support is needed as well. Point out your progress and stay receptive to your partners feedback without being defensive or feeling like its a personal attack. I wish my situation was that easy. Hes a slacker and useless and doesnt help around the house and he drives me crazy. He is wonderful with the kids, homework is done before I get home, he still makes me laugh. He has so much STUFF. That might play out in them being critical of how you handled one of your new tasks. Its the most difficult thing ever. I cant muster up the stregnth to make her feel better when all I want is to yell at her to get up by herself! Yes he gets loans out but loans wont cover us for long.. Its annoying he wont do retail we wont do food. In between jobs, Im working 3 jobs, 7 days a week in order to pay all the bills and stay afloat. Its not a big fat 0. Dear All But My children are my most important thing in my life, they give me strength to put up these things. . "If I do the things that I'm either good at or I like to do or I dislike less and my partner does the things that they are more interested in doing and dislike less, then the balance works much better.". When a person works a full-time job and their partner does not - Quora This was supposed to be very temporary while he found a job so we could afford our own place.