Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. He needs to get over this, though if for no other reason than the financial security of the family. I wonder if there are other circumstances in which he exhibits similar behavior. Why would a husband not want to go anywhere with his wife? But, sometimes there are letters that just make me want to scream. I wish you the best. I came here to recommend asking Captain Awkward as well! He could show he loves you by treating you as an equal and making you know that your feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter. I just knew I was so unhappy and was starting to hate myself (but that was me! I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. If it didn't work you were stuck with a super cringe photo until the next time you tried to get everyone together. And if I only believed he was in danger because I have anxiety I cant control, this wouldnt help at allin fact, it would probably make the anxiety worse. There are people just, everywhere, even at 2 am. If this is anxiety, OCD, or any other disorder then therapy for himself is absolutely necessary. Once I was done baby would go back into his seat until the next time. But they LOVE the idea of going there and want you to have lots of fun! When your income is needed, you can take fewer risks by opting out of stuff at work. Whether he is abusive, controlling, insecure, or driven by unmanageable anxiety we dont know. I find this so interesting. Thats not out of reluctance to let either one out of their sights, but more because when they have the choice to be together, they will be together, and when its unavoidable, they make do as best they can. It doesnt take the anxiety away, but it seemed to dull some of the crazier bits. After the day ended and we would go out to dinner, he would tell her that he was sure our company wouldnt approve of us going out to dinner on their dime. (Wed been given stipends and told to enjoy a cocktail after the eight-hour training). (I lost 30 pounds not eating while she was away, and we both shed lots of tears at TSA seeing her off) Now, new project, wife just did 12 days in Portland just saw her off for 3 days planning there for another two week project there. I think its one of the things that makes our relationship so strong. Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. On the one hand, youd have to be very clear that hed be on his own while youre in all those meetings/conferences/etc and that you cant spend that time with him but, on the other hand, it may be worthwhile to relieve his stress and anxiety. If someone tells my son, I am a thief, or. She wrote: His main objection is the fact that the trip is located in Las Vegas. Him: Something something shes just got cold feet about the upcoming wedding. Probably he is a reasonable person, perhaps he has an anxiety problem. And have been wanting to take the Grand Canyon tour. But I loved him, and thought accepting his proposal would reassure him of my love and commitment. I know its easier to say Leave him! to someone else than it is to actually leave your spouse but please know that leaving him over this would not be an overreaction. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation OP, how long do you think you can tolerate his behavior? Sounds great. Because someone whos having this kind of anxiety is going to get worse, not better if they do nothing to address the underlying issue. And hes trying to sabotage your livelihood with his nonsense? It will also be a lot easier with a hotel stop overnight; we did not do this, but it still wasn't difficult. Did I stand out? Its in Las Vegass best interests to keep visitors safe. my brain had done, we laughed), but absolutely had that reaction. Fun for a night or two a year, too much otherwise. I could understand some concern about being on a business trip to an unfamiliar (at least somewhat) city but this sounds over the top. Its either anxiety or abuse, or both, or neither; and none of those things address the husbands *behaviour* or the OPs next steps. What level of dealing with him can you actually do during these three days AND be able to focus on your work stuff? My husband is like this, perhaps to a slightly lesser extent. So yeah somethings just not right. Literally cannot learn your brain switches off the learning & memory centres of your brain while its priming your legs to flee the sabre-toothed dire wolves of your imagination. OP can call out her husband by offering to buy a $1MM (or whatever number) life insurance policy for the duration of the vegas trip. Scheduled calls are a great idea. Can you tell mewhat todo?Maya. But please ask yourself if this is an isolated incident, or if there have been other times when your husband has expressed this kind of feeling when you go out with friends for dinner, is it less likely that youll be kidnapped somehow? But truly, its a secondary concern here. 33 answers. And he, I think, talked that out with a therapist eventually. It does sound like some type of anxiety as these worries are extreme. The other possibility is that hes skewing the hell out of the question somehow to make his stance seem more reasonable, like Would you guys be okay with your spouse taking off to Vegas and drinking and partying all weekend for work? At least, not something like this, which is a very normal part of having a job. If someone says they dont want to get married, theres probably a good reason in there. Husband Hates Socializing - Chabad.org Yes its a confusing sentence but I believe the OP comments elsewhere that she wrote what she meant, the people her husband polled WOULD allow their significant others to go. Its also putting some stress on our relationship, because Im starting to feel resentful about the time I have to spend reassuring you. I mean There isnta rash of kidnappings in Las Vegas, and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas is an advertising slogan forcollege students and weddingparties, not a warning to spousesof business travelers. Note that once you confirm, this action cannot be undone. Im in the same boat as the OP. Yes, this. Oh, for sure. Or that he heard more agreement than was really being given by his friends? He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. His friends live in DC so I'm considering seeing if we could drive there first and spend the night w them (about five hours from where we live). Im just going to drop in some ideas and some strategies that have worked for me. So maybe the husband should only attempt to veto conferences in the Midwest? It comes across as so controlling. Of course people can get into trouble in Las Vegas. Either hes lying, or hes manipulating these conversations so he hears only what he wants, or you guys need saner friends. A pregnant woman recently asked the internet for advice after her husband refused to attend any of their doctor appointments. How to convince your partner, husband or wife to travel with you Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. Some people get really over the top anxious about things like this such that it becomes its own problem, maybe even more of an independent factor than the sexism thing (which kind of compounds it because its a societal trope that reinforces some of what would otherwise seem more out there on the face of it). Seriously, I grew up in Las Vegas. I probably filled up that Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom with $100 worth of water during my stay. I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. Also, they have very little money, so we are . Cuz he was awesome.). And in small towns all over America people are being shot in churches, schools, shopping malls etc. My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). Its OK to not be 100% available to handle his feelings 100% of the time! I work for a global health organization. -03-2022, 0 Comments If it's something you really want to do, then I'm sure you can make it work, but it won't be easy. He knows that travelling for work is non-negotiable, so hes willing to put in the work to make it easier for both of us. Tell your husband to get a grip, and then yes, get some counseling to get over this anxiety. Im a bit flabbergasted. He had experienced previous panic attacks on flights, hated the "cattle type" travel experience, and at 6'2+ was uncomfortable in the tiny airplane seats. Fortunately, he wouldnt even ask because, (1) jeez, who needs survey results to help you navigate your marriage? He does worry about my safety. walk. Why wont he go on the trip with you? CES, the Consumer Electronics Show is held there yearly, and is a massive tech conference, millions of square feet of conference space. Refusing to go on this trip is highly unlikely to save your marriage. Just to give you an idea, my husband, my 10 week old, and I went to New Jersey this past weekend to see some of my husband's family. Okay, I've been chewing on this for a few weeks. Your baby may like the car but that is a long ride and a big change for LO so it'll be ok but may not be as smooth as your imagining. Bigger point being ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS and not their place to weigh in. I do think some commenters above have some good thoughts on why this might require individual counseling (in addition to or instead of couples counseling), but it sounds like youre pursuing both, which is great. Leave the argument and do that as consistently as you can. There is plenty to do in Las Vegas that has nothing to do with sin and can be done in any big city (restaurants, shopping, going to theater, etc.). I love New Orleans! I think this is my problem with some of the suggestions that OP should bring her husband on the trip. Maybe he is just a lazy dude who wants to keep his cash cow working and under his thumb?? I have one. I couldnt be with someone this domineering and controlling. Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. My own partner has no issue with me going out of state for geek conventions a couple times a year, with people Ive known longer than him, sometimes sharing mixed-gender rooms. Sure within reason. Ive been to one (and my husband was only jealous of the food), and while I dont like Vegas myself, I cant deny that the Venetian knows how to run a conference. Well, thank heaven theyre not all drug dealers too. When does his flight land? Or I can save you the time and point out that I characterized him as jealous and controlling, and never used the word yall seem determined to stick in my mouth. Milkshakes there are ON POINT. My boyfriend loves Las Vegas, Ive gone several times and always have an excellent time. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. Any time I read My spouse wont let me . I want to yank that person out of that relationship. Exactly. And nobody is reasonably going to crazy drug orgies where they might be at risk, during a work event. Did you say, thanks for confirming that I need to get away from you immediately & forever? Is he anxious about everything, or just the fact that youre going to vegas? I had to speak on a panel one afternoon and give a presentation the next morning, but the conference I spoke at was not for my industry so I had no connections or contacts there. Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!) Her husband is a lovely person in general, but comes from a family that cares very much about keeping up appearances. Thats kind of hilarious because my ex was super upset the first time I went to Utah (current spouses family lives there), because he thought Id let our daughter be kidnapped by polygamists. Thoughts? +1 I think this is good advice! If something written is thought to mean the opposite of what it says that is not reading, it is MISreading. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. I stayed once at Palms Place, the long-term stay part of the Palms that is set up like studio apartments with full kitchens. I highly doubt these people genuinely agree with him, but are more likely playing the supportive friend role. I have a friend that refuses to go to Vegas because he believes its the modern Sodom and Gomorrah. Or the wife, for that matter. Then they can work together to find a way to work with his fears, like maybe she checks in with him a few times a day at certain times. I actually didnt tell her I got K&R insurance when I worked in the Philippines and had to travel to an area where nearby skirmishes were going on and kidnappings WERE a concern. I was admittedly super jealous when Booth got to go to Orlando because Disney World is a lifelong obsession of mine, but I didnt beg him not to go, or tell him that all the other wives I spoke to wouldnt allow it . One learns to cope AT&T helps, also. I thought I was the problem, and he was kind and honorable and funny and thoughtful. Everyone thinks youre wrong.. The obvious thing is that anxiety, fear and control issues are not rational, and no matter how many times you state the reality, it wont change a thing. Plenty to do in Vegas besides gambling and shows! Its a lot different than when I first went in 1989, but even then it was quite suitable (ideal, actually) for a business conference. Well the place was built by mobsters to skin the rubes in casinos . :-). If its an anxiety or OCD issue, there are specific skills that partners and caregivers need to learn to support treatment goals and avoid inadvertently rewarding the problematic thoughts and behaviors. And people loooooove the lotto tix here. If youre not and this is out of the blue, it really sounds like his anxiety is getting the best of him (especially with the note about kidnapping), and he might need more individual help. People at our church would say I cant believe your husband lets you do that. My husband would laugh and laugh. Most business conferences result in 3 days on location you probably wont leave the hotel. ), Yeah man, Id be super bummed if my wife went to Vegas and didnt take me with her, I freakin love Vegas!. Hah. are there other situations that cause your husband this level of anxiety? I love my wife and we bought land and a home. Not everything is OMG READ GIFT OF FEAR!!! Speaking as someone whos wife spent 8 months of 10 days on site near Chicago, 4 days home over the last year after 8 years of her doing essentially no business travel, I know spouse separation anxiety far better than I care to both on my part, and my wife. Marriage counseling is the only way you save this. You can have a couple days where youre focused on other things! And there is plenty to do besides gamble. Instead, things got worse. So Vegas actually *is* pretty scandalous to a *lot* of people. Can you cut it out, or find someone else to talk to about your worry?. Because of that, my parents said I can bring a friend. Absence doesnt make the heart grow fonder, it ruins relationships and I am 3 decades in. It was a blast! I mean, the worst thing that happened to me in Vegas was that I came back 10 pounds heavier from all the buffets. If you have time to arrange a therapist, try to meet with several and then pick the one that is the best fit. Vegas and Orlando are excellent places for corporate retreats because theyre relatively cheap to fly to and theyre set up for this kind of thing. I think it was just awkward phrasing and the intent of the update meant his friends objected to the very idea of letting their spouse go to Vegas. Thanks! He is obviously in distress, and rational or not, that is a bigger problem than just whether OP should go on her business trip. This is a question for a marriage counselor and/or individual therapist. Last time you went on a business trip, you spent the entire time dealing with his feelings about it instead of focusing of what you were actually there to do.